Onunla ne zaman tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 tam olarak hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum. Mekan\u0131n Beyo\u011flu olma ihtimali y\u00fcksek. Kitap\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n raflar\u0131ndaki y\u00fczlerce kitap aras\u0131nda g\u00f6z\u00fcm onun kitab\u0131na tak\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Raflar\u0131n \u00fcst kat\u0131nda, g\u00f6ze hemen \u00e7arpmayan bir noktadaki kitab\u0131 elime ald\u0131m. \u00ddlk sayfalar\u0131na h\u0131zla g\u00f6z att\u0131ktan sonra kasaya y\u00f6nelip kitab\u0131 sat\u0131n ald\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Ya\u011fan ya\u011fmurla birlikte Taksim\u2019e do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcrken i\u00e7 cebime saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kitapla birlikte onu okuyabilmenin heyecan\u0131n\u0131 da ta\u015f\u0131yordum. Kitab\u0131n ad\u0131 B\u00fcy\u00fck Zen D\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc\u2019yd\u00fc yazar\u0131 ise Charles Bukowski ya da onu tan\u0131yanlar\u0131n ifadesiyle Hank\u2019t\u0131.<\/p>\n
Bukowski\u2019nin di\u011fer kitaplar\u0131n\u0131 zaman i\u00e7inde bir bir okudum, hakk\u0131nda yaz\u0131lanlar\u0131 g\u00f6zden ka\u00e7\u0131rmad\u0131m. Aradan y\u0131llar ge\u00e7ti. Beyo\u011flu\u2019nun ya\u011fmurlu bir ak\u015fam saatinde tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m yazar ile yollar\u0131m\u0131z Los Angeles\u2019\u0131n \u0131ss\u0131z bir k\u00f6\u015fesinde yine bir araya geldi. Bu sefer mekan inan\u0131lmaz derecede sakin, hava g\u00fcne\u015fliydi. Etrafta ne kitap ne kitap\u00e7\u0131 ne de ba\u015fka birileri vard\u0131. Okyanusa bakan yama\u00e7lar\u0131nda ya\u015fl\u0131 a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n g\u00f6lgelendirdi\u011fi Green Hills mezarl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndayd\u0131m. Yazar\u0131n \u00f6l\u00fcm y\u0131ld\u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fcnde onun mezar\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131m.
\nLos Angeles liman\u0131n\u0131n Vincent Thomas k\u00f6pr\u00fcs\u00fcne bakan bu mekan\u0131 bulmak zor olmad\u0131. Mezarl\u0131\u011f\u0131n Okyanus Manzaras\u0131 adl\u0131 b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc k\u0131sa bir ara\u015ft\u0131rmadan sonra ke\u015ffettim. Ancak Charles Bukowski\u2019nin mezar\u0131n\u0131 bulmak i\u00e7in bir hayli u\u011fra\u015fmam gerekecekti. Uzun s\u00fcren ara\u015ft\u0131rmama ra\u011fmen onun ad\u0131n\u0131n yaz\u0131l\u0131 oldu\u011fu mezar ta\u015f\u0131n\u0131 bulamad\u0131m. Bukowski\u2019yi birlikte ziyaret etti\u011fim arkada\u015f\u0131m onun sanki bizden sakland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu. Charles Bukowski hayatta oldu\u011fu zamanlarda oldu\u011fu gibi yeni y\u00fczlerle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmaktan ka\u00e7\u0131yordu sanki.<\/p>\n
D\u00fcnyan\u0131n \u00f6b\u00fcr ucundan gelen iki ziyaret\u00e7i onu bulmakta kararl\u0131yd\u0131. Mezar\u0131 rastgele ta\u015flara bakarak bulamayaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131za karar verip mezarl\u0131k g\u00f6revlilerinden yard\u0131m istedik. Ya\u015fl\u0131 kad\u0131n g\u00f6revliye onun ad\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yledi\u011fimizde y\u00fcz\u00fcnde bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmseme belirdi. \u2018Demek Bukowski\u2019yi ar\u0131yorsunuz. Onu bulmak pek kolay de\u011fildir, yard\u0131ma ihtiyac\u0131n\u0131z olacak\u2019 deyip bize bir kroki uzatt\u0131. \u00deekilde Bukowski\u2019nin mezar\u0131na nas\u0131l ula\u015faca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ayr\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 bir \u015fekilde a\u00e7\u0131klan\u0131yordu. Haritay\u0131 al\u0131p tekrar Okyanus Manzaras\u0131 adl\u0131 b\u00f6lgeye gitti\u011fimizde onun mezar ta\u015f\u0131n\u0131 bulmam\u0131z zor olmad\u0131. Okudu\u011fum romanlar\u0131 ve \u015fiirlerini tekrar hat\u0131rlad\u0131m. Mezar\u0131n\u0131n k\u00f6\u015fesinde oturdu\u011fum yerden onun ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 hayat\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fcmde canland\u0131rmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.
\nMutlu bir \u00e7ocukluk d\u00f6nemi ge\u00e7irmemi\u015fti. Almanya\u2019da do\u011fmu\u015f iki ya\u015f\u0131ndayken ailesiyle birlikte ABD\u2019ye g\u00f6\u00e7 etmi\u015fti. Babas\u0131n\u0131n bask\u0131s\u0131 yazar\u0131n sonraki y\u0131llardaki ya\u015fam\u0131na damgas\u0131n\u0131 vuracak, onu toplumdan uzakla\u015ft\u0131racak, arkada\u015fl\u0131k ili\u015fkilerini di\u011ferleri gibi s\u00fcrd\u00fcremeyecekti. Ya\u015fam\u0131n kenar\u0131nda, d\u0131\u015flanm\u0131\u015flar\u0131n aras\u0131nda bir hayat\u0131n zorluklar\u0131na yazarak kar\u015f\u0131 koymaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Yazd\u0131klar\u0131 k\u0131sa s\u00fcrede dilden dile ula\u015ft\u0131, kitaplar\u0131 elden ele \u00fclkeyi dola\u015ft\u0131. ABD d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda da tan\u0131nmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 k\u0131sa \u00f6yk\u00fcler ve \u015fiirler s\u0131radan insanlar\u0131n her g\u00fcn kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131klar\u0131 benzer deneyimleri i\u00e7eriyordu. Onu \u00fcnl\u00fc k\u0131lan, kitaplar\u0131n\u0131n Amerikan halk\u0131 aras\u0131nda tutulmas\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flayan \u00f6zellik Hank\u2019\u0131n kendine \u00f6zg\u00fc yal\u0131n ve sade \u00fcslubuydu. Bu \u00fcslup onu k\u0131sa s\u00fcrede di\u011fer yazarlardan fark\u0131 k\u0131ld\u0131. O konu\u015fulan dilde yaz\u0131yordu ve yazd\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 anlamak i\u00e7in kimse s\u00f6zl\u00fc\u011fe bakm\u0131yordu. Barlar\u0131, kad\u0131nlar\u0131, hayat\u0131n kenar\u0131nda dola\u015fanlar\u0131 bir de Los Angeles\u2019\u0131 yazd\u0131. Bu kenti bir kad\u0131n\u0131 sever gibi seviyor, caddelerini bir bardak so\u011fuk biray\u0131 i\u00e7er gibi ya\u015f\u0131yordu. Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 deneyimleri, an\u0131lar\u0131 en ince ayr\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131na kadar yazmaya devam etti. Halk\u0131n onun yaz\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 ve \u015fiirlerini be\u011fenmesine kar\u015f\u0131n elebiyat ele\u015ftirmenlerinin g\u00f6z\u00fcne giremedi. Asl\u0131nda onlar da Hank\u2019\u0131n umurunda de\u011fildi. Hayat\u0131 boyunca hi\u00e7bir zaman \u00e7ok satanlar listesine giremeyen Hank\u2019\u0131n eserleri \u00f6ld\u00fckten sonra k\u0131ymete bindi. Edebiyat \u00e7evreleri onun farkl\u0131 \u00fcslubunun \u00e7a\u011fda\u015f Amerikan edebiyat\u0131nda yer almas\u0131 gerekti\u011fine inand\u0131klar\u0131nda yazar hastanede \u00f6l\u00fcme meydan okuyordu.<\/p>\n
Ba\u015faramad\u0131…<\/p>\n
1994 y\u0131l\u0131n\u0131n 9 Mart g\u00fcn\u00fc Los Angeles\u2019\u0131n San Pedro kentinde \u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde be\u015f k\u0131taya yay\u0131lan hayranlar\u0131n\u0131 hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131na u\u011fratm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Asl\u0131nda onun \u00f6l\u00fcme meydan okuyu\u015fu gen\u00e7 ya\u015flarda alkole olan ba\u011f\u0131ml\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131yla ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Hayat\u0131n\u0131n bir b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fcn anlat\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 Barfly adl\u0131 filminin galas\u0131nda kendisine y\u00f6neltilen soruyu \u015f\u00f6yle yan\u0131tlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131: \u2018Ben asl\u0131nda i\u00e7erek intihar ediyorum. Bunu da seviyorum. Kimi bir kutu hap i\u00e7ip bunu yapar kimi benim gibi kendini i\u00e7kiye vurur. Bu bir anlamda uzun vadeli intihar te\u015febb\u00fcs\u00fcd\u00fcr\u2019. Bukowski\u2019yi tan\u0131yanlar onun i\u00e7kiyi ne kadar \u00e7ok sevdi\u011fini de iyi biliyorlard\u0131. O bu tutkusundan hayat\u0131n\u0131n son g\u00fcnlerine dek vazge\u00e7medi. Almanya\u2019da ba\u015flayan macera Los Angeles\u2019ta noktaland\u0131.<\/p>\n
Yazar ile bulu\u015fmam\u0131z\u0131n mekan\u0131 olan Green Hills Mezarl\u0131\u011f\u0131\u2019n\u0131n yama\u00e7lardaki y\u00fczlerce mezar ta\u015f\u0131 birbirine benziyordu. Siyah mermer \u00fczerine yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f tarihler, isimler ve notlar\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda. Charles Bukowski\u2019nin mezar ta\u015f\u0131nda da onun ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 y\u0131llar 1920-1994 tarihleriyle belirlenmi\u015fti. \u00ddsminin alt\u0131nda onun lakab\u0131 \u2018Hank\u2019 yaz\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131. En altta eldivenlerni giymi\u015f, gard\u0131n\u0131 alm\u0131\u015f bir boks\u00f6r\u00fcn profilden g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc and\u0131ran bir \u015fekil vard\u0131. Bu \u015feklin alt\u0131nda ise \u2018Don\u2019t Try\u2019 T\u00fcrk\u00e7e kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131yla \u2018Deneme Yapma\u2019 yaz\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131. \u00d6l\u00fcm\u00fcnden sonra yazar\u0131n e\u015fi Linda taraf\u0131ndan yap\u0131lan bir a\u00e7\u0131klamada mezar ta\u015f\u0131ndaki bu mesaja da a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131k getirilmi\u015fti. Hank\u2019\u0131n geride b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 sevenlerine son mesaj\u0131 \u2018Deneme yapma, amac\u0131n\u0131 ger\u00e7ekle\u015ftir\u2019 olmu\u015ftu.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Onunla ne zaman tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 tam olarak hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum. Mekan\u0131n Beyo\u011flu olma ihtimali y\u00fcksek. Kitap\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n raflar\u0131ndaki y\u00fczlerce kitap aras\u0131nda g\u00f6z\u00fcm onun kitab\u0131na tak\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Raflar\u0131n \u00fcst kat\u0131nda, g\u00f6ze hemen \u00e7arpmayan bir noktadaki kitab\u0131 elime ald\u0131m. \u00ddlk sayfalar\u0131na h\u0131zla g\u00f6z att\u0131ktan sonra kasaya y\u00f6nelip kitab\u0131 sat\u0131n ald\u0131m. Ya\u011fan ya\u011fmurla birlikte Taksim\u2019e do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcrken i\u00e7 cebime saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kitapla birlikte onu okuyabilmenin heyecan\u0131n\u0131 da ta\u015f\u0131yordum. Kitab\u0131n ad\u0131 B\u00fcy\u00fck Zen D\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc\u2019yd\u00fc yazar\u0131 ise Charles Bukowski ya da onu tan\u0131yanlar\u0131n ifadesiyle Hank\u2019t\u0131. Bukowski\u2019nin di\u011fer kitaplar\u0131n\u0131 zaman i\u00e7inde bir bir okudum, hakk\u0131nda yaz\u0131lanlar\u0131 g\u00f6zden ka\u00e7\u0131rmad\u0131m. Aradan y\u0131llar ge\u00e7ti. Beyo\u011flu\u2019nun ya\u011fmurlu bir ak\u015fam saatinde tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m yazar ile yollar\u0131m\u0131z Los Angeles\u2019\u0131n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":666,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[40,162],"class_list":["post-25","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-radikal","tag-abd","tag-radikal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.remgo.com\/11\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.remgo.com\/11\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.remgo.com\/11\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.remgo.com\/11\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.remgo.com\/11\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.remgo.com\/11\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.remgo.com\/11\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/666"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.remgo.com\/11\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.remgo.com\/11\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.remgo.com\/11\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}